Fscking Ace: a simple, depraved gambling game.

Fscking Ace is a simple game of cards. It’s not highly skillful or deep, but it’s fun and twisted. As this is a gambling game with wide swings, I’d recommend not playing at the specified increment of $1, unless one has an appetite for risk. For low-stakes “fun games”, divide dollar amounts by 100, playing with pennies instead of dollars, or decide that they are “points” that count for bragging rights only.

Disclaimer: I’ve never played this game for money. I probably never will. I’m not much of a gambler and, at any rate, a good dealer doesn’t taste his own poison.

Number of players: This can be played with 3 or more players. Use a double-deck if there are 6 or more players, a triple deck if there are 11 or more, and so on.

The deck: The pack contains 48 cards: all diamonds, clubs, and hearts, the Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 of spades, and two jokers. The colored joker is the $10 joker; the other is the $5 joker. (Mark one if they are identical.) If a double deck is used, then remove one Ace of Spades, leaving 95 cards. Remove two Aces of Spades from a triple deck, forming a pack of 142.

Optional: when using multiple decks, players may wish to remove the extra 2’s, because these “doublers” magnify wins and losses. With more than one deck in play and lots of doublers, the potential for catastrophic loss or enormous gains (each being the other, given the game’s zero-sum nature) is substantial.

Starting a round: Choose first dealer using the most distasteful mechanism you can come up with (highest or lowest salary, who can tell the most offensive joke, highest or lowest number of previous sexual partners). Or just draw lots. Whatever works. Dealer shuffles the pack and places an unused card (such as an unused spade) under it, making it impossible for any player to see, by accident, what’s on the bottom.

Playing a turn: Turns begin at the dealer’s left and progress clockwise at the beginning of the round. (Play order may be reversed, as described below.) Each player, on his turn, must turn over at least one card. If it’s a spade, his turn ends. Otherwise, he may keep turning over cards, until drawing a spade, or he may decide at any point to end his turn. If he chooses to end his turn, he scores the cards turned up. Most cards are worth $1, but the jokers are worth $5 and $10. If he draws a spade, he scores nothing for that turn and it ends.

For example, a player who drew, for his first four cards, 7♦-4♣-K♣-$5Jo, would score $8 for that round if he decided to stop. The joker is worth $5 and the other cards are $1. If he drew again and caught a spade, he’d score $0 for that round. The cards drawn by him that turn would be discarded, and his turn would end.

The red twos, if drawn and scored, are worth $1 base but also double the values of regular (non-Joker) cards that one has scored (from $1 to $2, $2 to $4, and so on). Twos of clubs are worth $1 but double the values of jokers that one has scored. (If multiple decks are used, they compound. For example, three 2♣’s makes a $10 joker worth $80.)

If a player’s turn is ended by a 2♠, he keeps it (as if it were scored) instead of discarding it. If he loses the round, his losses will be doubled. Also, when a player’s turn is ended by a 7♠, the order of play reverses (from clockwise to counter-clockwise, or vice versa). The 3, 4, 5, and 6 of spades have no special effect.

Ace of Spades, ending the round: If a player turns up the Ace of Spades, the round ends immediately. That player becomes the loser of the round, hence the name “Fscking Ace”.

The loser pays each player for the cards they have scored, plus an additional $1, to each player. A bonus of $5*N, where N is the number of players, is given to the player who scored the most cards. (In a tie, this bonus is divided among the tied players.) Due to Jokers and doublers, this is not necessarily the person who scored the most money.

The person who would have played after the one drawing the A♠ will open play in the next round. There is no ending condition other than peoples’ continuing willingness to play this evil, evil game.

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